


Drunk with Cats

by KitschKit



Series: Drunk with Cats [1]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: AIs as cats, Canon-typical language, Drunk Shenanigans, F/F, F/M, Freckles the doberman, Illegal Activities, Junior is a lizard, M/M, Multi, Murder, Polyamory, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-27
Updated: 2015-12-11
Packaged: 2018-03-15 10:26:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3443744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KitschKit/pseuds/KitschKit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wash has never been happier he has weird neighbors.</p><p>aka "You broke into my apartment while drunk, thinking it was your friend's apartment, but my cats like you" AU</p><p>tags will update as chapters do</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. This isn't Apartment 201

**Author's Note:**

> This is a train wreck waiting to happen and spiraled out of control. I should update every two weeks? bother me at Tumblr if not.  
> also those cats are based on the pictures in his locker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wash lives in a really weird apartment complex.

Wash is in the shower when he hears pounding on his door. Which is impressive given that the water is running and he has music playing in the background, and while he was going to get out and answer, he hears a slurred shout of “Church!” Then he just figures that his grumpy neighbor just has a loud friend and the man or one of his companions will take care of it, and therefore goes on with his shower. A little while later, he steps out of the steaming water and dries off, wrapping a towel around his waist. Opening the door, the freckled man is greeted with silence, and _not_ his cats. Weird.

"Epsilon? Delta? Ready for dinner?" He makes toward the kitchen, but stops short, staring at the dark skinned man on his couch, with Epsilon on his lap, grey paws kneading happily into fabric. Delta perches on the arm of the couch, green eyes watching the pair warily as he takes a white paw and smooths over his black ears. Traitors. "Uh who the hell are you? Don’t make me call the cops!"

The man turns around, dreadlocks swinging. The first thing Wash notices are his eyes, like coffee with just the smallest dash of cream. His eyes are hazy, but still manage to give off a certain warmth. He has to force himself to move on and continue his observations; the man is flushed, and obviously drunk. He watches with some amusement as his dark eyes widen with surprise. 

"Bow chika bow wow." The -admittedly attractive- man’s eyes rove over his body and Wash feels his face heat up. "You’re not Church."

"No I’m not. Now who the hell are you, and how the fuck did you get into my apartment?" He wills himself to stop blushing at the man’s obvious leer, and backs up into his bedroom, looking for clothes while he listens for the stranger’s response. Delta follows him in, curling up in the middle of the doorway and meowing in a friendly manner at the still unnamed man. Wash steps into his closet and drops the towel, pulling on a pair of sweats. He walks back out to the main room, waiting for the man who has won over his rather volatile cat over to give him an answer. If he is honest with himself, the only reason the cops aren’t being called, or the man being thrown out without question is because of his cat’s reaction. Epsilon is kind of a little bitch, and that he's that fond of someone upon first meeting them is highly unusual.

 ”I’m Tucker, I, uh, thought this was my friends place, but I guess not, huh?” He scratches the back of his neck sheepishly. “Anyway, yeah I thought this was his apartment and picked the lock.” He scritches behind Epsilon’s ear and looks pleased at the purr that follows. “Leonard Church? Dunno if you know him? Grumpy, bossy, kind of a dick?” Wash snorts in spite of himself and nods at the apt description.

"He’s over one apartment. You break into apartments often?" He takes a seat on the couch, reaching out to pet the Siamese as he crawls off Tucker’s lap to sit between the two men.

"Oh shit man. Um well if you know Church, you probably know Caboose? Or at least hear him. Idiot locks everyone out of the apartment all the time." They both laugh at that, and Wash can’t help but notice the way Tucker’s cheeks dimple and how his hazy eyes shine with his bright smile. His breath catches as he gets a little lost in how attractive the man really is. "Anyway dude, I should probably get out of your apartment and go over there. Sorry about the confusion. Talk to Church some time and I’ll compensate you when I’m not so drunk." The blond nods and smiles, following the other male to the hallway. He watches as Tucker pounds on his neighbor’s door, a loud growl emanating from within. A feminine voice yells at the animal to back off and a blonde woman, Tex, opens the door. 

"Hurry up and get inside asshole, Freckles isn’t going to stay put for long." Tucker walks inside backwards as he waves goodbye to the freckled man, closing the door with a wink and leaving Wash with a dark blush creeping up his face. He shakes his head in slight amazement and goes back inside to feed his cats.


	2. American Mary?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And the weirdness continues. Really why'd he move into this complex?

Wash wakes up very early the next morning to loud yelling from next door.

"God fucking dammit Caboose, get your monster away from me!" ...Tucker? He hears Church yell for the first aid kit. Tex screeches that they ran out, and the next thing he knows there is knocking on his door. He grudgingly gets out of bed and shuffles to the door to open it, a tall, panicking mass of limbs and dark hair falling forward.

"Washingtub! Please! Do you have um...Gauze!" Wash just blinks and waddles sleepily to the kitchen, grabbing his kit and following his anxious neighbor into the other apartment. The scene he walks in on would have been funny if it wasn't happening to him. Tex has the growling doberman pinned to the floor, her hand circling around his snout, Church advancing on the dog with a muzzle while Tucker is clutching a bleeding arm. 

Wash sighs and trudges over to the injured man. He opens the kit and brings out antiseptic, pouring it over the bite. He ignores the pained yelp the other man lets out, smearing antibiotic over it. He follows it up by wrapping gauze over the wound and smiles sleepily. "If you need stitches, talk to Grey. I'm going back to sleep." He turns on his heel, Tucker behind him, and goes back into his own apartment. Before he can get to far, Tucker calls out to him.

"Hey man, thanks. I really appreciate it." Wash nods and closes the door, stumbling back to his bed.

* * *

 

The next time Wash wakes up, it's to the sound of his cell phone ringing. He groans and rolls over, fumbling to put it to his ear.

"David Washington, private detective. How may I help you?" He pauses for a moment, listening carefully. "Mhmm, send me a photo and information, via text or email if you'd like, and I'll get started right away."

Five minutes later, he's on his way to the first floor, looking at a picture of a white terrier named Squiggles. He looks up as he descends the stairwell and stops short at the sight of two tenants dragging full black garbage bags into their apartment. A head pops out, the tanned man giving him a wide smile as he closes the door. Wash shakes his head and runs out the front door. He doesn't have time for Felix and Locus, he has a job to do.

* * *

Tucker wakes up face first on the floor with half his body on the couch and his bearded dragon staring at him with what he is going to pretend was concern. He huffs and drags the rest of his body of the couch, crawling his way to the bathroom. After emptying his stomach, he feels much better. He frowns down at the gauze covering his forearm and teeters as he tries standing. He downs three painkillers and stumbles out the door to have 'Doctor' Grey look at the bite from that vicious mutt Caboose calls a puppy. Whatever, Junior is way cooler than Freckles  _and_ he doesn't try to kill Tucker at every given opportunity. He somehow manages to make it down the two flights of stairs to apartment 104, hesitating slightly at the thud he hears inside. He knocks anyway.

"One second!" Grey singsongs, more shuffling and thumps coming from behind the door. Tucker shifts uncomfortably for a few minutes, praying neither Felix nor Palomo would come out of their apartments, until the brunette woman opens her door. She smiles brightly, chocolate eyes shining with excitement, but clothes splattered with blood. He raises a brow but says nothing, deciding it's better not to ask, and holds out his arm.

"Freckles bit me, I wanted to make sure it wasn't infected." She pulls him in, guiding him to her sofa as she carefully unwraps and examines the wound. 

"Oh, I don't know what you all would do if I didn't live here. You're lucky I'm so bored." She drops his arm with a click of her tongue, leaving the room to rummage around for supplies. She comes back, holding an ointment and more gauze. "You don't need stitches, but make sure you keep it clean and put that on it. Make sure to keep the bandages clean as well." Tucker nods his thanks as she ushers him from the room, probably to continue whatever project had her covered in blood. Who knows with these people, everyone that lives in this complex seemed to be batshit insane, himself included.

* * *

A few hours later, Wash was exhausted. He had run around the most of the city trying to locate yet another lost pet, only to find the creature bedraggled in a gutter. Upon delivery, the woman had turned up her nose and complained about the state her pooch was in. All he wants now is to just go home and take a shower, maybe sleep some more, and definitely cuddle his cats. As he trudges inside the complex he spares 102 a suspicious glance before going up the stairs. He practically falls into his apartment, not surprised to see York lounging on his couch.

"North not available to pester?" The blond man grins, perking up and rolling off the couch and onto his feet. 

"Nah man, he took South shopping. Finally got the last of her shit from their parents. I guess they trashed most of her clothes though." Wash shakes his head, feeling bad for the girl. He's known her a long time, remembers her in high school and college when she was constantly angry and confused. She'd had no idea then that she was a she, and despite being severely hurt by her parents, she has shown amazing improvement in the few days she's moved in with her twin. "So did you just get back from a case?" York asks like Wash didn't walk in on him practically snoozing on his couch.

"Yes. So go bother your girlfriend, or I don't know, do your job, and let me take a shower." York only grins and shakes his copy of the apartment key in the others face as he heads out.

"Fine, but I need to talk to you and North later. I ...need some help with something." He exits, leaving Wash to shower and spoil his cats.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took a lot of effort not to update this the second I wrote it. Which was about a day after the first one. Really I'd like to upload a chapter once a week, but I don't wanna be that guy that goes I'll update and doesn't so I think every other week is more realistic. A South sidestory should be coming soon, if anyone's interested in her and North's backstory.  
> And a shout to the lovely MostlyMalarkey for helping me figure out everyone's shitty jobs.


	3. Missed Memo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which even more people invade Wash's apartment.

Wash really isn't sure what memo he missed, but apparently it said that his apartment was meant to be broken into. Tucker is, once again, drunk on his couch, petting Epsilon.

"Okay, I know you know this isn't Church's. Why are you in my apartment again?" Tucker grins at him, picking up the grey cat and holding him up to his face.

"My senses told me that your cat wanted me to cuddle him." Wash rolls his eyes and takes a seat next to him, huffing when Delta sits between them. Really, people probably keep breaking into the apartment because he's so lax about it afterwards.

"So you broke into my apartment?"

"Hey man, lay off. I'm drunk and Junior's mad at me." Just as he's about to ask who Junior was, his front door slams open and Carolina storms in.

"North's not home," is all she offers as an explanation before raiding his fridge for a beer and plopping down in his armchair. If Wash didn't know better, he'd say she's on the verge of crying. She twists off the cap and takes a swig, giving Tucker an odd look before starting to talk. "So...York...has been acting kind of strange lately. He's been grinning at his phone like an idiot, which by itself isn't weird, but then he's been blushing and avoiding me  _and some woman just called for him!"_ The redhead's voice starts to pitch as she pounds her balled fists into the arm of the chair.

"Dude, isn't York like head over heels in love with you though? He never shuts about you. Like seriously, nonstop Carolina talk." Green eyes narrows at the darker man and he throws his hands up. "Just saying."

"Carolina, look, I'm sure there's an explanation. Tucker's right. There's no reason to be mad or panic yet okay?" Carolina lets out an angry huff and slowly unclenches her fists. She closes her eyes and counts to ten, trying to calm herself before getting up and exiting the apartment.

"Thank you. I'll be back later." Tucker blinks and shrugs in response to the situation, turning his attention back to Wash as the woman left.

"So, guess I'm not the only one that comes into your apartment uninvited, huh?"

"Much to my dismay." He grins playfully at the other man and they both laugh, Wash getting up to grab them beers. He flicks on the tv and they sit together, drinking and making jokes about the shitty comedies on the television.

About an hour later, Wash is just as drunk as Tucker and he's not entirely sure what's on tv anymore. And, of course, they're get interrupted once more.

York barges in, yet again, North and South trailing in behind him. South rolls her eyes as she sits, Tucker waggling his eyebrows at her. North takes a seat on the arm of the couch, leaving York to pace the floor. The freckled blond can only stare in confusion at the three other blonds that just came in.

"York has been an obnoxious prick all day. Pacing, nervous, nail biting." South crosses her leather encased legs, arms folded across her chest. "You're Florida's neighbor right?" Tucker just nods at her, barely catching that she's talking to him in an effort to understand what was going on.

"First, Carolina came over earlier. She said a call came in for you from some woman and paired with the way you've been acting, she was really worried. So what's going on man?" Wash gives his friend a concerned look, hoping everything is alright. York could really get himself into some deep shit given the chance. If he wasn't so concerned, he'd laugh at the way North suddenly perks up, hands clasped in his lap.

The pacing blond stops and lets out an anxious breath. Delta comes up to him, purring and weaving between his legs. York smiles down at the green eyed cat, feeling a little better. "That is the furthest thing from what's actually happening. I, uh, I'm looking for a ring. I wanna propose."

South rolls her eyes at the delighted squealing that comes from her friend and her brother. Honestly. "It's about fucking time asshole. Anyways, I'm out. Gonna go see if Connie's home." She stands up and socks the darker blond in the arm. "Congrats on manning up. Later." With a wave, she's gone, leaving Wash and North to look at York excitedly and Tucker to try to watch some sitcom through it all.

Wash, being drunk, is more visibly excited than he'd normally be. He bounces in his seat, and Tucker can't help but notice his blinding smile. Damn, when this guy was happy... "Do you have a ring picked out, can I see it?"

"Do you know how you're going to propose?" York laughs as his friends bowl him over, Wash telling Tucker to bring more beers. The other man shrugs and does as he's told, helping himself to one as well.

"I don't have the ring yet, the woman was supposed to call me about it. That's probably who called. It's rose gold with diamonds on the sides and an aquamarine. It's perfect for her. I don't have a plan yet, which is why I needed your help."

As Tucker drinks, he zones out, staring at the cute freckled man who owns the apartment he's currently in. He doesn't really care about the events that are taking place. He can however watch the man talk. Hell, he's drunk, he would honestly just stare at him even if he wasn't talking. His flushed skin make his freckles stand out even more; Tucker just wants to trace patterns and connect the dots. He also wants to run his hands through the short, fluffy dyed blond hair of his undercut. Ugh and his eyes, his normally pretty grey eyes are made even more gorgeous the happiness shining and shifting. And his  _mouth,_ the way his lips form around words, the tip of his tongue occasionally poking out. Aw yeah, Tucker is definitely gonna woo this guy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.etsy.com/listing/221822855/14k-rose-gold-aquamarine-ringdesigner?ref=shop_home_active_2&ga_search_query=rose%2Bgold%2Baquamarine this would be the ring if anyone is interested


	4. Love is more than just a game for two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is a party and Wash's apartment is not the one being broken into.

For once, everyone is not invading his apartment. Instead, the residents of Gulch Apartments are gathered in the fourth floor rec room. Really the only reason Wash comes to these things is because Caboose would pout like the children he watches over and to watch York be a ridiculous drunk asshole. And well it is nice to see everyone. So here he is, drink in hand, glaring suspiciously at Locus and Felix; the latter clinging to his Samoan roommate, obviously drunk, while the other tries to pry him off his person. His eyes widen as he watches the Asian smirk, the man licking a stripe across Locus's cheek, then biting hard on his lip, pulling away, and skipping off with blood on his mouth. The green clad man growls, swiping the blood off his lip with a dark look. He brightens considerably when he notices Wash watching, and heads his way. The blond curses his luck, but there is no way to get out of this.

"Washington, it is nice to see you here. You've missed the last two parties." Wash shifts uncomfortably as the man invades his personal space. Locus always gets too close. 

"I had cases." The larger man hums in response, his dark brown eyes raking over his figure. Luckily Maine chooses that moment to interrupt, his giant hand resting on Wash's lower back. Locus's eyes darken as the bald man growls his greeting. Wash practically snuggles into his side, trying to get the other to leave.

"Locus, get your leech off of me!" Tucker's voice rings out across the room, and all three men turn to see Felix straddling Tucker's lap, playing with his dreads. With a sigh, Locus leaves, stomping over to the pair and picking up the two toned rat by the scruff. They go off into a corner and Tucker takes his chance to bound over to Wash and Maine. The blond grins at Maine thankfully and releases him, moving closer to Tucker with a shy smile. He smirks flirtatiously in response, edging into Wash's personal space. It doesn't bother him this time. Before they can get any real flirting done, York joins them, surprisingly sober for once.

"Have either of you seen Carolina? She's been avoiding me..." Maine reaches over and pats the shorter man on the head. He motions to another corner, Caboose and Church leaning against Tex's legs as she talks to Carolina. They all watch as Caboose attempts to do  _something_ and falls over, landing in Church's lap. He laughs and pulls the taller man into his lap properly as Tex cards a hand through his hair. They're in love and it's so obvious to everyone that looks at them.

"I want that." Wash doesn't actually mean to say it out loud, but while he isn't drunk, he has been drinking and it just...slips out. York chuckles and grins at him. Maine watches their little group for a moment before grunting.

"It may be closer than you think." The giant man gives a meaningful look to Tucker and Wash shakes his head, a dark blush painting his face. York takes pity on him and speaks before Tucker starts paying attention to them again.

"I'm doing it tonight. Andy's got the karaoke machine set up. I'm gonna do it."

* * *

York did it. Wash is actually pretty impressed. He sang L-O-V-E, surprisingly well too. At the final "love was made for me and you" he got down on one knee and asked her to marry him. The room was silent and she stared, stunned, and then broke out crying and tackled him to the ground, whispering yes over and over. The ring was perfect for her and it looks even better on her finger. It means something to both of them and Wash is incredibly happy for his friends, and in the end, winds up entirely too drunk. He doesn't notice, but York slips a key in his pocket as he drunkenly says his goodbyes. He wobbles out the door and gets stopped by Locus. He crowds him against a door and he's way too drunk to deal with this right now, so he punches the man, takes the key out of his pocket and slashes it across Locus's face then uses it on the door, backing up to get inside quickly and locking up just as quickly. He doesn't remember going down that many stairs, but the door opened, so he collapses on the sofa and passes out.

* * *

Tucker comes downstairs to see Locus holding his face, obviously bleeding, in front of his door. He gives him a look and the larger man stumbles down the stairs. He doesn't stand around to think about it, he can hear Felix coming down after him and he doesn't want to deal with that asshole. He darts inside and laughs as he sees Wash on his couch, brandishing a key. He'd have to tease him about this in the morning. For now though, they both need sleep.

* * *

Wash grudgingly wakes to the smell of greasy food and good coffee. He rubs his eyes and blinks blearily at the sight of a small dragon in front of his face. He jumps, moving too fast to the other side of the couch. He realizes suddenly that he isn't in his apartment.

"Hey dude, welcome to the land of the living. Want some grub?" Tucker grins and makes his way over to Wash carrying a plate of bacon and hash browns and a cup of coffee. Wash is so grateful he could actually kiss Tucker right now. Actually he could do that anyway. He might still be a little drunk. He makes a face at his thoughts and gratefully takes the plate and starts shoveling food into his mouth. It's like heaven and he can feel his stomach settling already. Tucker laughs at him and takes a seat, the bearded dragon from earlier making its way onto his shoulder somehow. Wash wasn't really paying attention. 

"This food is amazing, I will so do whatever you want if you have more hash browns." Tucker just takes his plate and comes back with more.

"Whatever I want, huh?" He smirks and winks and Wash feels his face flush, but he nods. Tucker almost giggles at him. Instead he sits down next to him and turns on the TV.  "Stay for a little while." Wash does.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Terribly sorry about the long wait, stuff happened, like conventions and dead people, so there were some complications on getting this out! Also if you haven't seen it, I've posted facecanons on Tumblr.  
> http://bweird.tumblr.com/post/114608329385/face-canons-for-drunk-with-cats-more-doyle  
> I put way too much effort into that


	5. Maybe he should get a deadbolt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wash's cats do not make good guards.

Wash is in a pretty great mood when he finally gets back to his apartment. He's still hungover, and definitely looking forward to taking a nap. Therefore, because this is what he wants, there are people in his apartment. Again. Without him being there. Again. He should probably do something about that.

"Connie, hey why are you in here?" She generally has some respect for privacy, something must be wrong. He's concerned pretty much instantly.

"H-hey Wash. Sorry to barge in here, the door was unlocked, and I just really needed to talk. I thought maybe you were just sleeping." Her smile is wavering and her eyes are starting to tear. He sits down next to her and pulls her close. She buries her face in his shirt and sniffs. He smiles despite the situation, he loves this girl, she's like the sister he's never had. He doesn't say anything, just holds her and waits for her to get it out. "S-South and I had a fight. She...She makes me so frustrated!! Ugh. She's going to come back from that utterly destroyed! After everything they've done, why?"

Wash sort of understands what's happening. South has never been able to let things go easily, and her parents are no exception. He gets Connie's frustration, but he knows how hard it is to leave an abusive relationship. He hums and rubs her back comfortingly before speaking. "It's not easy to just leave. That's her family and no matter how abusive they are, it's hard to just never talk to them again. I know it's hard to watch, but she's out now, so she's already getting there. All we can do is let her know we care and be around for the fallout. She'll get there eventually." Connie gives him a watery smile and kisses his cheek.

"Thanks Wash. I'll leave you alone now. Sorry again for just barging in." She gets up and waves as she leaves. Wash really hopes she'll be okay. She's pretty soft.

* * *

 

Wash doesn't have to worry about South breaking into his apartment, but York has of course gotten in. He's groggy from his nap, but there's North on his couch looking a little wrecked and he can't bring himself to mind. Delta plants himself in North's lap, a paw on the blond's face. He mews quietly and licks his nose. Both the men on his couch chuckle over it, and their attention shifts to Wash as he comes over to coo over his cat.

 "Connie was here earlier. Did you go too?" North nods and that's all he needs, he's by his friend's side in an instant. York is on his other side, and the two crowd North, making soothing sounds and cuddling him. They stay like that the whole day.

Eventually, North gets up, smiling softly at his friends. They're passed out, and now that he's up they've both fallen into a heap. He takes a quick picture before heading out the door to see if South is back yet.

She is.

South is leaning against the counter, very clearly not looking at him. There's tear trails in her makeup and he knows she's about to not quite apologize in that way she has. 

"It's fine. I wouldn't let you go by yourself, not after everything they've done to you. I knew what I was getting myself into."

South sighs angrily and walks up to him, finally looking at him and tracing the slowly blossoming bruise on his face. "Thank you. You didn't need to take the hit. I just-"

North shakes his head and hugs her close. This is his sister and he will always have her back. South sniffs quietly and wraps her arms around his neck. They stand like that for a long while. When he finally lets go of her, he's smirking. "You should go see Connie." She makes a face but nods, throwing a hand up in farewell. She's got some apologozing to do.

* * *

Wash isn't sure why he's being laughed at when Tucker shows up at his door, York having vacated the premises at some point. The other man manages to point to his face even though he's doubled over. The blond makes his way to the bathroom and stares at his face in the mirror. Someone -he's assuming York- has drawn whiskers, doodles of cats, and, of course, dicks on his face. 

 He yells loudly and he can hear York's faint laughter from his apartment next door. He can also hear Tucker chuckling from his living room. "Why are you here?" He scrubs his face, growling when the whiskers refuse to come off. At least the dicks do, it could be worse. 

"Man, I just wanted to know if you wanted to go out for pizza or something, but that was so worth coming over for. You got a tail to match?" Tucker smirks as the blond flushes. "There's going to be a bunch of us, Church and his room, Kai, and maybe Carolina? I never know with Tex." 

Wash smiles, feeling slightly shy. It feels almost like he's asking him on a date, but he's pretty sure that's not the case. "Yeah, I'd like that."

Tucker positively beams in response as he walks out the door. "I'll see you later then!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god so much stuff has been happening I am so sorry it took so long. Also this is not nearly as long as I originally intended but I needed to update so here you go for now. Hope you enjoy.


	6. Potential Plot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pizza, a brief look at the occupants of apartment 102, and the beginning of a new case.

There's still a faint trace of the whiskers on Wash's face when he leaves to meet with everyone. When he gets there, there are a lot of people in the corner, several tables put together. Apparently, more people joined in on this outing than Tucker had been expecting. Tucker stands when he sees Wash, waving him over to the very large group. He nudges Church and scoots farther away from Carolina, patting the space next to him. Wash obliges. He's surprised to see Carolina and Tex with heads bent together, smiling and laughing as they admire her ring. Kaikana is sprawled across several chairs, texting someone on her phone as her brother yells at her. Donut is across from him, making some terrible innuendo at Doc, while Caboose giggles at him. Simmons is coming over with several large pitchers on a tray, Sarge and Lopez right behind, and Wash helps himself to some Coke, hastily snatching up one of the silly straws. He feels warm, surrounded by all these loud obnoxious people, listening to them laugh and tease each other. This is what family feels like, he thinks, and he turns to Tucker with a smile. "Thanks."

"For what?" Tucker's not really sure why Wash is smiling at him like that, but he's not going to complain. His grey eyes are soft and warm, and his smile feels a bit like coming home. 

"For inviting me. This is really...nice." Tucker listens to Sage scream at Grif for being a waste of space, and Caboose yell excitedly in Church's ear and wonders how exactly this is nice. Fun, sure, but nice isn't really what he would pick to describe the group of people gathered. 

"Uh, yeah, of course. I thought it'd be way more fun to have you around." Wash can see the slight confusion on his face, but just shakes his head and smiles. He presses his side to Tucker's and lets their hand twine together.

Yeah. This is really nice.

* * *

 

Locus is pretty angry about his face. Felix laughs at him, mocking, but he also gets hastily protective when their associate, Dante, otherwise known as "Sharkface," makes comments about it. He's not really concerned about the pain, it stings, but it is a matter of pride. He's not anywhere as vain as Felix, but he does take some pride in his appearance, and he can tell it's going to leave a mark. And all from a key. 

Felix, on the other hand, is really into it. He's always been really into blood and scars, and anything that involves pain. He likes to make up stories on how the wound came to be, because there's no way he's telling anyone that it came from a key wielding detective who was sick of his partner's harassment. Locus's favorite story of his is the one where Felix is surrounded by about ten guys, all looking to fight, and he 'valiantly' comes out of nowhere to save him. The thought makes him laugh. 

Dante, of course, believes none of their shit, and is convinced that it's from one of their sick games with each other. He's not far off the mark.

Price and Hargrove couldn't care less, as long as their jobs are done. There are some people that need to be taken out.

* * *

 

Wash is a _private_ detective, so he doesn't usually get very interesting cases. For once, he's actually been given a case he'll actually have to look into. His client is Florida, he's been having some problems with his..."business." 

Wash isn't dumb, he knows what Florida does is very illegal, but he doesn't particularly have a problem with that, especially when he's a friend and he's paying so much. There are bills to pay after all.

There really isn't any going to the police when someone shows up dead in these kinds of operations, and usually Florida handles this himself, but he's negotiating a pretty big deal, and he trusts Wash. So, off he goes, hitting up various criminals for information.

This isn't anywhere close to the first time Wash has done something for Florida, so his associates are vaguely familiar with the blond. Thankfully, they're pretty open with him, but even with that, he has a sinking feeling this case is going to be more annoying than he wants it to be.

* * *

 

The first thing Wash is greeted with when he arrives back home is Felix's smirking face. He almost lets out an audible groan because there is no way to avoid this interaction.

"Aw, what's wrong Washington, you look tired. Hard day looking at married men fucking their side chicks? Or was there a dog you had to chase down?" Felix runs his hand through his hair, fluffing up the dyed portion. Wash resists the urge to knock him to the floor and kick in that pretty face of his. 

"I'm tired as fuck, Felix, please just go away." The Filipino man just snickered, shaking his head in a patronizing manner.

"Tsk, tsk. Now why would I leave you alone when you have very clearly marked up my boyfriend's pretty face? I'm sure you've noticed, but he's not very good at socializing, his looks are all he has." Wash can only roll his eyes, this guy is absolutely ridiculous.

"As opposed to you, who's so charming and has a wonderful personality? Go away Felix." An exaggerated pout crosses the other man's face, and Wash just wants to go upstairs to his apartment and take a shower. He watches as the other man gasps and slams his hand over his chest.

"How rude, I'm simply offended! How could you say something like that? I'll have you know that most people just  _adore_ me, not that I can blame them. I am pretty great." Wash's patience is running out, he's tired and hungry and Felix is looking more and more like a punching bag. He opens his mouth to speak again, but he's saved by Kimball exiting her apartment.

"Felix? Have you been stealing my mail again?" Wash takes the opportunity to dart past and head up to the second floor. He sinks to the floor when he finally enters his apartment, and both cats come bounding over for attention. He sits there for a few moments, just petting his cats before getting up and heading to the shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really have no excuse for not updating, just really shitty mental health, sorry y'all.


	7. Cat Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wash misses his cats and his friends do too. The residents of the first floor get some time in the spotlight.

Wash has been investigating nonstop for about a week and he is fucking exhausted. He really misses his cats, even Epsilon has been sweet with how little he's been around. So he takes the day off, goes and buys a tub of ice cream and sits on his couch swaddled in blankets with his cats. He even lets Delta and Epsilon take a few licks of vanilla. 

Sometime around noon, there's a knock on his door. It surprises him, mainly because everyone usually just comes in anyways, and he grudgingly gets up to answer the door. Maine is standing there and signs his greetings. Wash motions for him to come in, grinning at the crate by his feet.

"Kitty play date?" Maine nods and Wash darts into his room to pull out all the cat toys. Sigma is the first one out, his orange fur fluffed up until seeing Delta. He pounces and they roll on the floor, Delta batting at Sigma's face playfully. Iota is the next one out, her black paws practically bouncing off the floor. She pauses to groom her white fur, and looks back at her brother still in the crate and mewls. Eta's black head peers out of the safe space and cautiously looks around. A white paw slowly makes its way out, and he quickly darts onto the couch, crying plaintively until Epsilon settles down next to him and the smaller cat cuddles into his side. Iota happily picks up a toy mouse and hops up to cuddle with the other two. Maine grins and the two distractly talk while watching their cats play. 

North obviously has super hearing, because he comes over with his tiny kitten Theta. Wash gets distracted by Delta completely ignoring Sigma to go investigate this new companion. There is a very tiny scared squeak, and Wash is pretty sure that's when his cat fell in love. Delta picks up the kitten very gently and carries him over to the corner and wraps himself around him. When Sigma comes over to check things out, Theta is visibly distressed. The orange cat bats at him, and Delta hisses and then licks the tops of Theta's head. Wash squeals a little at how cute they are.

He turns to say something to North, but instead he's struck by how his friend is looking at Maine. Huh. Maybe he should pay closer attention to his friends, because he definitely never noticed that. But then Maine turns from the cats back to North , and his face is carefully masked, and honestly Wash is impressed, North is usually pretty easy for him to read. He resolves to ask him about it later.

There's a quick knock on his door before York peeks his head in and grins. He quickly sits down on the floor, cooing over Delta and Theta.

"Damn are you guys having a cat party without me? I feel so left out." 

They hang out all afternoon, playing with the cats.

* * *

 

Katie Jensen sees a lot of shit go down working with Sarge and Lopez. She loves her job, but there are things she's seen that are pretty disturbing. Luckily at the end of the day she has Vee. Vee is always there for her, and totally makes her feel insecure, because wow she is stunning and how is she even interested in someone like her and----and she's a really great girlfriend.

Like a few weeks ago Jensen's pretty sure she saw a murder take place. Vee had heard about it from some friends the next day, and she convinced the other girl to keep her mouth shut. It had turned out that the guy was part of some cartel and it could've gotten messy.

Still...she suspects she might have seen their neighbors there, but her girlfriend is right. It's best to forget about it. She shakes her hair and goes back to watching TV; Vee is about to win her volleyball match.

* * *

 

Kimball is really sick of listening to Doyle bitch. They're rivals, they've always been rivals, and then they found out they were managers of opposing stores. How fitting really. So just hearing his voice is enough to grate on her nerves. But bitching about blood in the hallways? If she has to hear that one more time she might kill him herself.

* * *

 

Andersmith has to shake his head as he listens to Palomo whine to Bitters about how the hot neighbor girl is a lesbian yet again. Bitters just grunts in annoyance, not bothering to look up from his phone. Andersmith figures it's probably Matthews and tunes both of them out as he hears Doyle ranting in the halls. He's really hoping Kimball isn't home, and oh, that's the door slamming open and there's Felix's happy whisper outside his door. He sighs, yet another fight to break up. 

* * *

By the time Emily comes out of her apartment, once more spattered in blood, Felix is grinning from ear to ear while Locus silently watches from just inside their apartment at the spectacle in the hallway. Her neighbor is practically begging Kimball to stand down as she stares down Doyle.

"You know, this would be a lot easier on everyone if you two would just admit you're attracted to one another." Felix laughs as he ducks inside to avoid getting hit by Kimball. She whirls around and glares at her , pointing a finger at a stuttering Doyle. 

"I am not attracted to  _that._ " Doyle nods in agreement and turns and dashes into his own room. Felix pouts at the loss of entertainment and looks to the two remaining people in the hallway who are completely ignoring him.

"It's always a surprise to see how quickly you're able to break up their fights. I'm never able to, they're always ready to come to blows when I'm around..." Andersmith sighs, wondering why his floormates won't get along.

"Well..." she says, eyeing him in a predatory kind of way that sends shivers down his spine. "Sometimes you just have to be a little...persuasive." She winks and goes back inside, leaving the remaining men to stare.

Andersmith turns to Felix, a little flabbergasted. "That was flirting right?"

"Yeah buddy. Good luck with that one."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a bit all over the place but I wanted to get some stuff set up, so here we are. Also I had way too much writing cats


End file.
